Busy

Wow, I've been quite delinquent in my blogging. Even Erika has posted more recently than I have. School has occupied quite a bit of time recently. I had an intensive class at the end of August where I did a 3 credit class in a week. There was a book to read and write a paper on before the class began, 5 days of class with about 6 or 7 chapters to read every night, and then a 15 page research paper due 2 days after class ended. It was definitely intense! Oh, and my online class finished up (with it's own 8-10 page paper) in the middle of the intensive. And right before all this happened, my computer finally died (it had been giving me off and on problems for several months) so I had to send it in. If you know how attached I am to my computer you could understand what a panic this can cause. I began the fall semester last week. I'm only doing two classes this semester because I knew three (a full load) would be too much right now. But it is going well now and I am enjoying a more normal pace now.

Wedding plans are also beginning to come along, now that I have finished that craziness with school and have had time to actually do stuff. We've found a place we really like and almost set a date. And while eloping is looking rather appealing we haven't run off yet. But we still might. We'll see. Anyway, I gotta get to bed because I have school in the morning. I'll try not to wait another two months to post again.

7-14-07

She said yes!

Donate blood

Last year I blogged about donating blood, how important I think it is, and why I love the Florida's Blood Centers. Well, I heard today on the radio that they are critically low on blood. If that's not reason enough for you to brave the needle and give a pint, they're also offering a $10 gas card for those who donate before July 20. Plus you earn punches toward Darden gift cards. So any of you living in Central Florida, go give some blood. You'll save lives and get some gas money. I know we are all busy and some of you aren't particularly fond of needles, but how often do you have the opportunity to save lives and get money, and all you need to give is maybe an hour of your day (depending on how busy) and a little bit of pain. Me, I'm going this Friday.

Been awhile

OK, I know it's been a REALLY long time since I blogged. When I do think of something to blog about, I don't have time, and when I do have time I can't think of anything to blog about. The later is the case now, but I thought I should at least post an update. Work at the church has been going well. I've been keeping very busy on several different projects, and in a few weeks will start mowing the lawn. I started a class online with Asbury called Basic Christian Doctrine. It's been going really well and we've had some really good discussion. I have also been really busy and involved with SomethingMORE. It's the young adult Sabbath School group at the Hospital Church. We took a leadership retreat in June that was really great, I've been working on updating our website, and trying to help jump start things. It's been going really well, and I'm really glad I'm involved again. Everything else is going well. I can't think of anything else to say, but I will try to post again at least once this month :) .

Found a job!

I've actually been meaning to write this blog for several days now, I just seem to be a lot busier since I moved to Florida. Maybe it's just trying to spend as much of my free time with Susan as I can. Either way, I do now have a job. I will be working at the Florida Hospital Church doing maintenance, grounds, set-up, etc. Basically I'll be in charge of mowing, edging, and trimming the grass, helping with maintenance and upkeep on the building, set-up of the rooms for the next day, and who knows what else. Not a career move obviously, but is something I think I will like and something that will pay the bills. In fact, they were willing to pay me a little more than what they originally offered so that I could pay all my bills (rather than just picking my favorite ones each month). The church is used throughout the week by all sorts of different groups, and the church wanted to have someone be there into the evening while groups were there. And after the group leaves, I will have to tear down, clean up, and reset it up for the next day's events. So my normal hours will be like noon to 8:30 pm Monday through Thursday and at least 2 hours on Sunday. I will have to adjust that a little in the fall when I begin classes at Asbury. I will be taking 1 class online all throughout the summer, and I will have a one week intensive class at the end of August. I had hoped to take more during the summer, but that's a whole other story. I will begin my new job next week and will be working a different schedule as I shadow the other maintenance guy to learn the ropes. It should be interesting.

The job-hunt

I am continuing to search for a job, but without much success. I had sent out resumes to many places before I even came down here, and have done even more since I got here. I'm becoming a connoisseur of online applications. But each time things seem to fall through. There are still some hanging out there that could fruit, but it's hard to say. It's getting very frustrating and difficult to constantly get my hopes up and then always be disappointed.

On the bright side, I have found some temporary work. One of the guys from church (Danny Howell) needs some help moving things around at his work. It's just basically grunt work and is extremely dusty and dirty. But it's work. I worked there all this week and have probably another week or so more. It's been a Godsend to have some work and money coming in. If it wasn't for this, I would be really freaking out about money by now. But this gives me some money while I'm still looking for something. I know that God has a job prepared for me and He is getting me through until then. And I'm still putting in applications and talking to people and never know what will pan out.

Home Safe

I made it into Altamonte Springs last night around 10:45. I spent 18 hours in the car with a 45 minute break for dinner. I hadn't expected to actually make the entire trip in one day. I just planned on going as far as I could and stop when I needed to. Well, even though I had gotten up at 3am, I wasn't very tired so I kept going. My right leg is sore from all the driving, especially when I couldn't use the cruise control, and the constant vibration was starting to get to me. But other than that, no problems. Traffic was really good. I only had about 2 or 3 times where it came to a stop, but was then back up to speed quickly. And I had rain until I hit Indianapolis, but then it was clear the rest of the way. All in all, things went really well and I'm happy. It is great to finally be down here.

Now I just need to get unpacked and find a job. I thought the drive was going to be the hard part.

What I'll miss about Michigan

My car is now completely loaded and ready to go. Now that I've passed this last major hurdle, the reality of things is starting to set in. I've been thinking a little today about the things I will miss about Michigan. These are in no particular order, just as I think of them.

This may be hard for some of you Floridians to understand, but I will miss the weather in Michigan sometimes. Don't get me wrong, there have been many times in these last few really cold weeks that I have complained and longed to be in Florida. Snow in April I will not miss. But I do really enjoy the beauty of snow (during its designated time of year) and will miss it at times. And I know there will be times this summer when I am dying of heat that I will wish for the cooler temperatures in Michigan. It can get really hot in Michigan, but it's not as prolonged as it is in Florida. I will also miss all the beautiful scenery, the leaves changing, the fresh apple cider, etc.

I will miss the Parks, the family that I have stayed with in Berrien. They have become family for me and I have enjoyed the time with them. I've never lived with a little sister before, and it has been nice. It has also had many practical benefits as well as it has allowed me to save money and kept me from buying a bed, furniture, etc. which I likely would have if I had gotten an apartment. Not having those extra things, and not being locked into the commitment of a lease, has allowed me to easily move back to Florida now. It was truly a God-thing.

I've also enjoyed being able to see my family more. My parents live 3 hours away and I have been able to see them frequently and was able to be there during very difficult times. I also have a brother and sister-in-law that live in Berrien that I have seen more. I hadn't spent much time with them before, and it's been really nice to get to know them.

I also have a great job here at the copying facility on campus. My boss is really great and that makes a huge difference. I've had the flexibility to work extra when needed to make up for time off and even to take a flight to Florida. The security and flexibility is definitely something I will miss, especially in my current struggle to find a job.

Before you get too concerned (or too excited, depending on your hopes), these are not second thoughts. I am still INCREDIBLY looking forward to many things about being back in Florida. These things that I will miss about Michigan in no way change or detract from my excitement about moving. But I do know that with any move or any change, there is some grief. And I feel that it is important and healthy to recognize these things.

A Long Distance Relationship with God

For the past 218 days, I have been in a long distance relationship with Susan. Of that time we have only spent 35 days in the same space. This makes for a very different and often very frustrating relationship. And while it has not been easy I have never once questioned if it was worth it. Susan is far too wonderful of a woman. Any type of relationship with her is better than no relationship with her. But now that our time apart is drawing to a close (11 more days!!!) and the anticipation of being together builds, I have begun to reflect on the similarities with my relationship with God, who I’m also in a long distance relationship with. I figured I’d share my reflections.

1. There are many advantages to a long distance relationship. Susan and I have established an incredibly strong foundation of communication. The vast majority of the time, the only way we can spend time together is to communicate, whether through IM, email, cards, phone, or any other way we can think of. As a result, we have gotten to know each other much faster and deeper than we would have otherwise. As our friend Sara bluntly put it, “You get to learn everything about each other, not just what the other person’s mouth tastes like.” It also allowed us to build a strong foundation of openness with each other. We have proven that we can talk to each other about anything. These skills and habits are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship. While it’s been very hard to be apart for so long, I think that it has been the best way to form a strong foundation and start off a relationship.

There is no question that God orchestrated the timing of things so that Susan and I started dating after I was in Michigan. He saw the need and value of the long distance relationship. I’m sure there’s also a reason for us to develop a long distance relationship with Him. God is an inherently relational person. As such, He craves time in open communication with us. A long distance relationship is an excellent way to develop this communication. It can also form the basis of a very strong relationship, just like it has for Susan and I.

2. With long distance relationships, you can either try to milk it along and endure it until the time apart is over, or you can dive right in and put forth the time and effort needed to build the relationship and make the most of the time together. If you try to just milk it along, it won’t last. Any relationship, especially a long distance one, requires a lot of time and effort. You can’t just sit and watch TV together or be with each other while working on separate things. It requires intentional focused time together on a regular basis. It is very tempting to try to multi-task and do other things while talking on the phone, and there are times that I do. But there always comes a point where I have to stop the other stuff and concentrate on her. I must confess that I have not been as good with giving this same intentional, focused, regular time to God. And I feel the difference in our relationship. When things pile up and time runs short, my priorities become evident. What I commit my time to reflects what I commit my heart to. The reality is not always what I would like it to be, but it is always the truth.

3. Time together should be precious. I look forward every night to talking with Susan. There are days that I am tired and drained and her loving words fill me right up. There are times when I am struggling with something and need a compassionate ear to listen to me. There are times when I am just really missing her and can’t wait to hear her voice. My time with God can be the same thing. There are times I look forward to it as a quiet haven from the chaos of my day. There are times when I just bask in His love and let it fill me. There are times when I have deep conversations with him. But I also have noticed that these times with God lose this special quality when I slack off on my time with Him. When the relationship begins to wane, that precious intimacy disappears.

4. Even though my time with Susan is precious, there is also flexibility to it. We both understand that life does not stop at 10:00. There are days when one or both of us are busy with other things or other people and we may not talk until 11:00. Some days we are more tired and won’t talk as long. But whatever is happening or as short as our time together may be, we have always managed to talk. Whether it’s 30 minutes or 3 hours. If our time together has been short the last few days, we may call earlier so we can spend more time together. It’s the same with God. Of course there are days when crises pop up and we can’t spend the time with Him that we would like. But the important thing is that we at least spend some time together every day and the short times together do not become all the time.

One advantage I have with my relationship with God is that I can talk to Him anytime. I don’t have to worry about keeping Him up at night. I don’t have to worry about Him being busy at work or in a meeting. It is truly awesome to realize that I can talk to God absolutely anytime I want. He’s always available and never distracted. And on top of that, He knows what’s going on. I don’t have to try and explain the situation or the whole story. That can be helpful for me in processing things, but is not necessary for God to understand.

5. The cards, emails, letters, etc. that Susan and I have sent to each other are a very special part of our relationship. We both treasure them and read them over and over. And while they give a special insight into who she is, her letters to me could never replace actually talking with her. It is the same with God. His letter to us (the Bible) is a very valuable and precious part of our relationship. But it is not a substitute for prayer and communicating with God. I believe prayer should be a two-way street where there is communication going on both directions, even if what God is “saying” isn’t audible or even in words. That makes it more difficult, but certainly not less important. I can’t just read a few cards that Susan has sent me and say that I have talked with her for the evening so I can now go to bed. Talking with her is not a chore to accomplish, it’s something that I look forward to and would not trade for anything. I need both the letters and the talking. I treasure both for different reasons. But the only way to really get to know Susan is to spend time talking with her, not just reading about her.

6. Everyday I tell Susan that I love her. Not because she’s forgotten or even because I think she may be doubting it. I tell her that I love her because I can’t keep from saying it, and because I love hearing her heart melt when I tell her. This has gotten me thinking about when I talk to God. How often do I tell Him how much I love Him? Would He not love to hear it just as much as I love to hear it? There are many times when I quiet down and try to listen to what God is saying to me that what I hear is Him telling me that He loves me. It is something that I can’t hear enough and fills my heart every night.

7. The distance is not forever. When Susan and I began this relationship, we knew the distance would not be forever. Even though we originally thought it would be longer (originally it was 2.5 to 3 years), there was always the hope that we would eventually be together again. It wouldn’t be much of a relationship if we were perfectly happy being apart and had no burning desire to be together. As I read The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge, I couldn’t help but notice this similarity. He talks a lot about how Christians should live in anticipation and longing for heaven. We were not designed to be apart from God. The world we live in is not our home. We should greatly desire heaven. And not just this clicheish picture that lacks any real indication of what heaven will be like and what we will do. I’m talking about passion and desire. The way I long to be in Florida and to be together with Susan. And the closer it comes, the more and more that I crave it. I can be happy and content in Michigan, but that does not eliminate my passion and desire to be with her.

8. The times that I have been with Susan are invaluable. While the flights have not been cheap (although I have always gotten good deals), they are so worth it. In fact, I would usually pay more money to fly back later in the day so that I had as much time as possible with her. These times together have really kept our relationship going. The longest we have ever been apart is seven weeks. After four or five weeks, I was really going nuts and wanted so badly to see her. Just to look at her face and touch her. And the longer we have been dating, the harder the times apart get. I don’t know how well I could handle seven weeks apart again. Fortunately that’s not an issue anymore.

This is one area in which the similarity with God begins to break down. I cannot be with God the same way I can be with Susan. I may not even physically see Him during my lifetime. But there are times when we can get a taste of heaven. There are times when we feel closer to God and feel that He is here with us. When I was at the Hospital Church Retreat and we were singing at church, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being home. I knew that this church was my home and I was so excited that I am coming back home soon. I wasn’t home yet, but I had gotten a taste of it. And it made me think about heaven. There are times when we get a taste of what home will really be like. And while we may not be there yet, we can savor the times when we get a taste and feel the longing to be home. And while I am really looking forward to being back in Florida, that moment won’t even compare to what it will be like when we all get to our real home and can finally see the greatest lover our souls have ever known and look Him in the face.

The countdown begins

I have set a date for moving down to Orlando. I'm planning to leave at 4:00 in the morning on Wednesday the 24th. Almost the whole state of Indiana is a 2 lane road that gets bogged down by traffic in the morning. By leaving at 4, I should get past all that and Indianapolis by 8 rush hour. I'll then just go for as long as I can that day and stop as needed. So I will likely be in sometime on Thursday afternoon. That gives me about a day to get unpacked before I leave to go to the Panhandle with Susan and Karen for the weekend. So it would likely be the next week before I get to see many of you. But the important thing is, I will be down there soon! 17 days!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

And to give me even more incentive, it's been snowing again for the last week. I REALLY can't wait to get to Florida.

The principles of God vs. the scientific method

Several of the books I have been reading recently have talked about our relationship with God and the Christian preoccupation with principles. John Eldredge talks about how we seek to derive principles so we can control God's wildness. This is not to say there is no virtue in trying to understand the principles in a passage. I do think there is some legitimacy in it, but it can be taken to an extreme and be made an end in itself. But something I read today sparked the realization that our search for principles can be quite closely entwined with the modern emphasis on the scientific method. One of the hallmarks of the scientific method is that a finding must be repeatable. If it is a true scientific fact, the results can be repeated if the same circumstances happen.

Do we try to apply this scientific method to God? If something is true about the way God works, then the result can be repeated in similar scenarios. If God never changes and God never makes a mistake, shouldn't we expect Him to respond in the same way? If the same result isn't repeated, then maybe that original result was imagined, or misunderstood or whatever. It certainly wasn't theological fact, because if it was, it would happen again. And I'm not just talking about miracles, I'm talking about the everyday workings of God. But isn't this approach an attempt to control God? If we can figure out "the way things work", then we can control things ourselves. Because when we're really honest with ourselves, there have been times when we wished God had done things differently. So if we can figure out all the principles by which God operates, we can manipulate situations to turn out the way we want them.

The problem with all this is that God is a person. He is a living being who is just as capable of free-will as we are. And He doesn't like being controlled any more than you do. Besides this, we can never fully understand God and the way He works. If I could completely understand God, especially at my limited knowledge of 25 years, He wouldn't be a very great God. Again, I'm not saying there isn't principles at work in the way God relates to us. I'm just saying there is a danger in putting our trust in those principles. Instead we should get to know this God as a person (not a fact), and trust in that relationship.

Transparency in business

I found a very interesting article on Wired about transparency and honesty in business and the positive effects it can have. It goes against some of the basic rules of corporate America, but in the Internet age, everything has changed. It's a long article, but really good. I have a huge drive for openness and honesty, and it was very encouraging to see how this can be proven true and beneficial even in business. I know how pessimistic and distrusting I can be towards big businesses because of all the polished press releases and publicity. No one believes it anyway. It's nice to see some people trying to change that and be honest, and the benefits that it brings.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/15.04/wired40_ceo.html

Vacation

Is there anything better than being on vacation with the one you love? Especially when you don't get to see that person very often! I spent a week with Susan in Washington D.C., staying with my brother who lives just outside the city. We saw a lot of the museums and monuments that are there. We saw both Air and Space Museums (there's a new one at Dulles airport), the Natural History, the Hirshhorn and Sculpture Garden, the National Portrait Gallery, and the Holocaust museum. It was a busy few days with a lot of walking, but it was a lot of fun and very interesting. We set no itinerary, just tried to get up at a reasonable time (a challenge after walking all day), head to the Metro station to ride into downtown, and go through the museums at whatever pace we wanted. I was very happy to discover that we both had about the same pace of going through, and neither was pushing the other or dragging along. We didn't get to see everything (an impossible task for one vacation), but saw the stuff we really wanted to. We also spent some time with my family and just relaxing. It was a really nice balance of doing a lot of stuff, resting, and spending time with my family.

On Thursday we went hiking to Annapolis Rock, which is on the Appalachian Trail and is where my profile picture was taken. I had gone there with my brother last year and couldn't wait to go back with Susan. It was a beautiful day in the 70s (the rest of the week had been in the 50s or colder) and we had a great time. I had really wanted a picture of us on the rock, so we had brought a tripod along to do that. We got it all set up, I set the timer, and ran to stand next to Susan. As I got there, a gust of wind picked up the tripod and blew it over the edge of the cliff. We watched helplessly as my camera tumbled 60 feet over the rocks. I realized that all the pictures from that week were on the memory card in the camera, so I had to go get it. I was able to climb down and retrieve the camera and tripod. The camera was relatively in one piece except for a few cosmetic pieces. I did a little messing around with it and it does still work, although the focus is really bad and you can tell that the gears with the lens are messed up. I'm not hopeful that it will work, but I'm having fun playing around with it. I'm more disappointed that we couldn't get that picture than I am about losing the camera. It was a decent but cheap camera, and there were several things I didn't really like about it. And it wasn't anyone's fault it got broken.

The next day we drove to Florida for our Church Retreat. It is always a great weekend and it was really nice to see the rest of my friends again. The long week with lots of walking (concluded by 4 hours of hiking) was really starting to catch up with me, so I was really tired. But it was still a great time. I'm really looking forward to moving back there in about a month.

Update

So I know I haven't blogged in awhile. No great thoughts to share really. But I will be gone next week to DC and then to Orlando, so probably won't blog again for awhile. So I thought I could share an update as there have been some developments on my move.

I have been officially accepted to Asbury Seminary, so now I'm just trying to sort out what classes to take, financial aid, etc. I have also sent in my resume to the area hospices looking for a job as a chaplain, and will also be contacting the hospitals. I'm also keeping my eyes open for other jobs besides a chaplain as well. I won't know exactly when I'll move until I do get a job, but I do have it narrowed down. I have plans in Michigan for Easter weekend (April 6-8), so I won't move before then. And I have plans in Florida for the weekend of April 27-29, so I know I'll move before then. And I'm planning on rooming with my friend Shae, so housing is set. So overall, things are coming together. I'm just waiting on the job.

Crash

This afternoon I watched the movie Crash for the second time. It's an extremely powerful movie, and usually produces strong emotions in those who watch it. The first time I watched it I was quite torn on how I felt about it. It's a very real, honest, and powerful demonstration of how we are affected by prejudice, fear, anger, power struggles, injustice and a whole lot of other stuff we like to pretend doesn't exist. One of the things that hit me the most when I first saw it was that it completely blurred or destroyed the images of "good characters" and "bad characters" in the story. I like to see people as mostly good or mostly bad, but that's mostly delusional thinking. Instead you see both sides of the characters and are left without a "hero" to pull you through the movie. It offers no warm fuzzies, no peaceful comfortable atmosphere. Instead it left me a little disturbed but very moved by the honest look at the corrupt world we live in and the messed up people in it, of which I am a part. It is amazing to see how different people's prejudices played on one other, fueling anger and fear which often got displaced, and brought out more prejudice. It is a violent spiral. This is definitely a movie that everyone should watch at least once in their lifetime. It has forced me to think about what my prejudices are and what brings them out. There were so many things said that rang so true to me and also seem so wrong. But it's healthy to confront the reality of the world and ourselves.

Desire

I am reading the book The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge. It is a follow-up on the book The Sacred Romance which I talked about previously. It's really speaking to something I feel Christianity, at least in my experience, has missed.

"This may come as a surprise to you: Christianity is not an invitation to become a moral person. It is not a program for getting us in line or for reforming society. It has a powerful effect upon our lives, but when transformation comes, it is always the aftereffect of something else, something at the level of our hearts. At its core, Christianity begins with an invitation to desire." (pg 35) He talks about the many miracles of Jesus and that each time he was arousing and speaking to their desires. How else could this be called good news? "Being offered tips and techniques for living a more dutiful life isn't even in the field of good news." (pg 43) If the message we are hearing doesn't sound like incredibly good news, then perhaps we're not getting the right message. The bottom line is not how to cure and manage sin. Jesus' purpose in coming was to give us abundant life (John 10:10), which doesn't sound like a life devoid of desire.

Has anyone else experienced this emphasis on the duty of Christianity? I have felt that if I could only get the doctrine and belief all correct, and do the right things, then I would be fine. I resonate with Eldredge when he says "we are told to kill desire and call it sanctification". And in doing all this, I have completely missed the real purpose. I have missed the One who created me, not for correct obedience (otherwise why give us free will?), but for a relationship. The One who gave me these desires of my heart wants to see them fulfilled (Ps 37:4). And I really am enjoying this book that talks about what the heart of Christianity really is.

Conflict

My friend Erika posted a blog about conflict in marriage. It was a really awesome blog, so I had to link to it. It's a subject that is rarely talked about with such openness and honesty, especially in a public forum. Conflict is something I've struggled with, and honesty and openness have become very important things to me, so I was very excited about this blog.

http://www.newaesthetic.com/2007/01/conflict-is-so-cool.html

Let it snow

Winter is finally here. After a very mild winter we have been slammed with at least two feet of snow since Saturday night. This is a picture taken on Sunday (I'm the black blob). We got even more last night, which resulted in a snow day for everyone, although Andrews didn't close until 8:45. Since I start work at 8, and don't get paid days off, I worked all day. It's a pain to shovel so much and driving isn't the easiest, but it is fun to play in!

Knowing someone

I have to post this dialogue from the The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. It's an exchange between a fiancee and her betrothed. Does this sound like a relationship you would like to have? Does it remind you of your relationship with God? What does knowing God mean to you?

She: I'm so looking forward to our wedding day. I do love you so much. I really wish I could see more of you. There's so much about you I want to know better.

He: Yes, dear, I know. I'm going to send you a book that describes more about my life. I'm sure you'll get a lot out of it.

She: I'll be glad to read it. But I just want to hold your hand. [She continues somewhat mischievously.] I just want to kiss you.

He: I'm sure you do, beloved. Let me send you a tape describing the role of physical affection at different stages of courtship. You'll find it worthwhile, I'm sure.

She: (Somewhat disappointed) That's wonderful, darling. It's just that I so look forward to our wedding day. I want to be with you so badly. I think of us being, you know, "together" day and night.

He: Yes, intimacy is important. I'd like to send you to a weekend seminar that really should be quite helpful.

The Hard-ass Savior

I think the common portrayal of who Jesus was is very skewed. This is easily seen in the lives of those who claim to follow Him, and in the way we speak of the "Christian" thing to do. The "Christian" thing to do has become synonymous with what is considered nice and is the opposite of what may be considered "mean". There are far too many Christians that I know (myself included at times) who are not willing to stand up to anyone or say anything that may seem harsh or mean. There is the idea that Christianity is only about being meek (more often demonstrated as weak), tender, and always turning the other cheek. But that's not the whole picture of who Jesus was. Jesus was not afraid to pick a fight and speak His mind. By today's standards, you could say that Jesus was a hard-ass. He didn't just let people get away with whatever because His grace was sufficient. He didn't let them walk all over Him. Over and over in the gospels, we see Jesus picking fights, especially with the Sabbath. He very easily could have done all His healing on the other six days. After all, you don't want to "rock the boat".

But look what he does in Luke 14. He goes to eat at a prominent Pharisees' house, He specifically asks if it is lawful to heal on the Sabbath, heals a man (and then just sends him away, so it seems the healing wasn't His primary focus), and then exposes and bashes the Pharisees (and remember He's their guest at this moment) for their hypocrisy. If that's not picking a fight, I don't know what is. And look at the cleansing of the temple. It may have been righteous zeal that Jesus had, but it was real fear the people had. It seems that Jesus knew how to make and use a whip, and the people were truly afraid of Him. A model diplomat He was not.

Jesus was not afraid to tell the truth. Read Matthew 23 and look at all the things He said about the Pharisees. And don't picture this as a pastor preaching a "fire and brimstone" sermon to his congregation or someone attacking George W., who everyone yells about. Picture a famous televangelist personally attacking Billy Graham. Blind guides, whitewashed tombs, full of maggots, show-offs, fakes, murderers, and many others. "You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?" (v. 33). When was the last time you heard a Christian talk like that, and then not apologize afterwards for "losing His temper". But Jesus offered no apology for His scathing words. But He did offer tears. Right after He finished cutting them down to size, He wept over their stubbornness (v. 37). He didn't say these condemnations just to tell them off. There can be great redemptive value in speaking honestly and bluntly, when it is done in the right way. Notice Jesus didn't say this stuff at the beginning of His ministry, but after He had spent time with them.

There is a place for tact, and there is a time to hold your tongue. And it is true that we must "speak the truth in love". But included in that statement is speaking the truth. And not a truth that is so diluted with niceties as to have no effect. Jesus was not afraid of making enemies. As Philip Yancey put it, "How would telling people to be nice to one another get a man crucified? What government would execute Mr. Rogers or Captain Kangaroo?" John Eldredge also talks about this in Wild at Heart where he says Jesus is more like William Wallace from Braveheart than He is like Mr. Rogers.

Let's face it, the Christianity we see portrayed today is far too weak and passive. But that was not how Jesus was. Look at the confidence and strength He showed when arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane. And He blasted the priests for their cowardice in coming to Him at night. Which of those two groups are we more like? The more Christian thing to do is actually to have a backbone and not be afraid to tell things like they are. And if you make enemies and get killed, you may well find yourself in good company.

Pain is not the enemy

I was going through all my old blogs today as I put labels on them (a new feature of blogger). Several times I have made the comment "I would never wish this experience on anyone. But I would never go back to who I was before." This comment is actually a rephrasing of a statement my brother Adam has made continually. He says about his divorce, "I would never wish this experience on anyone, but I wouldn't trade it for the world." The reason I have hesitated to say the second part is that I felt if I could have gotten this learning and growth without having to experience so much pain, I would have preferred that. I knew that such a possibility is not likely or possible, but if it could have happened, I would have preferred that (like taking a pill).

But as I thought about this, and as I was reading through some of my other blogs, I realized that such thinking is still putting pain as the enemy. And one thing I have learned is that pain is not the enemy. There is value in pain. And it's not just the growth that it produces. One purpose of pain (physical or emotional) is to alert us to a problem. It tells us when something is wrong. If we didn't feel pain when a knife cut the skin, we may not stop before the knife cut through tendons, muscle, arteries, etc. It is a way to stop further damage. The pain I experienced in my divorce was indicating a very big problem. If I had listened to it earlier, it may not have gotten so bad. But it was only because I had the realization of how bad and messed up I really was that I was able to grow as much as I have.

The pain has also taught me that I can make it through the tough times. Life will always have pain, both small and great. And now I know that I can make it through. I don't have to panic and try to bail out when things are very difficult and depressing and I can't see the end. I know that I can keep trudging through the muck, and that I will eventually make it. And I have learned the value of that process itself, not just the value of the destination. There are precious gems of learning that I could only learn by walking through the valley, even when I felt waist deep in sludge.

You can tell when someone has gone through deep pain. There is a change in them for the rest of their life. Something that distinguishes them from those who have not experienced deep pain. Sometimes it comes through in their outlook on life, sometimes in their patience, or in any number of other areas. One place I really notice it is in how they respond to and act around those who are currently experiencing deep pain. Those who haven't experienced deep pain will often offer band-aids of platitudes and try and make things look better. They are very uncomfortable around such raw deep pain because they have never experienced it before themselves. And they may not know if the person can make it through. But because I have experienced deep pain, I know that it takes time. I don't have to rush the ending. I don't have to try and make them feel better (which is usually just trying to make us feel better about them). I can patiently walk with them because I know that they will make it through, even if the end can't be seen. And it isn't a contest of who has had deeper pain. That doesn't matter. Each pain is different and painful in its own way, and a comparison is really not possible. But there is a difference with those who have gone through deep pain.

So I really wouldn't trade my divorce for anything. Not just the end result (the growth), but the entire process itself. The gut-wrenching brokenness and pain. The disillusionment, the struggles, the stress, the frustration. I wouldn't trade it. This pain is not an enemy to fight and conquer. It's a part of who I am.

The truth

I just finished watching Good Night and Good Luck, which is an excellent movie. On the companion piece on the DVD is a quote by Edward R. Murrow that I loved. In the spirit of this quote, I will refrain from embellishing with my own thoughts, and just let it stand on it's own.

"Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit."