I am now legally divorced. I went before the judge this morning. After 5 or 10 minutes and a bunch of general questions, it was over. No big to do. A bit anticlimatic. But I had been warned about that. I left the courthouse at 9:40, not quite realizing what just happened.
It is interesting how we can cycle through grief again and again. I feel as if I have re-experienced it all again in one day. The anxiety, apprehension, and fear beforehand. A 5 minute discussion that changed the rest of my life. The uncertainty and uneasiness afterward. And now relief that another chapter of my life has closed. I have been granted grace for an immature and naive mistake. I have been given a second chance. And that is an amazing feeling.
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Grace for God
I read something last week that I've been chewing on quite a bit. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, but I do think there is something valuable in it. I was reading a pamphlet on being angry with God. It mentioned something from the Jewish tradition where a rabbi prayed that God would forgive him for the things he has done, and in turn he would forgive God for the things He has done. It raised an interesting thought: if we expect God to grant us grace and forgiveness for all the ways we mess up, can we offer the same to God?
The initial problem I have with this concept is that I believe God is perfect, and to say that he needs grace or forgiveness seems to contradict that. But it's not that God needs our grace (after all, who are we to forgive God), it's that we need to grant grace. I may know in my head that God is perfect, but there are still times that I wonder why He did or did not do something. Let's be honest: there is a reason that the question of theodicy is still debated. Theodicy is the theological term for the age-old question of why an all-powerful and good God would allow evil things to happen to good people. If God has the cure for cancer, is He responsible for keeping it from us? Tons of books have been written about the issue, and yet the question persists. We may answer the question in our heads, but when a situation hits our heart with the question, all those answers don't seem to matter. I believe it's one of those things that will never be fully understood until we get to heaven.
So can we offer God grace for the things He does that don't make sense and seem to betray His character? My CPE supervisor commented this week that our relationship with God tends to be so drastically different from any other relationship we have. She said she will never forget the day she realized that her earthly father couldn't protect her from everything. And she will never forget the day she realized her Heavenly Father couldn't protect her from everything either. But she knows He wants to. And He hurts just as much as she does. Why He protects some people from some things, and not others, I may never completely understand. But I am not called to understand everything completely. Faith has to play some role.
If God is truly our friend, and we treat Him that way, should we not offer to Him the same grace we expect from Him? My head may know that He is perfect and does nothing wrong. But my heart wonders sometimes.
Don't write me off as a heretic who's gone off the deep end. I'm not trying to convince you of anything. These are just my theological questionings. It's something I'm chewing on.
The initial problem I have with this concept is that I believe God is perfect, and to say that he needs grace or forgiveness seems to contradict that. But it's not that God needs our grace (after all, who are we to forgive God), it's that we need to grant grace. I may know in my head that God is perfect, but there are still times that I wonder why He did or did not do something. Let's be honest: there is a reason that the question of theodicy is still debated. Theodicy is the theological term for the age-old question of why an all-powerful and good God would allow evil things to happen to good people. If God has the cure for cancer, is He responsible for keeping it from us? Tons of books have been written about the issue, and yet the question persists. We may answer the question in our heads, but when a situation hits our heart with the question, all those answers don't seem to matter. I believe it's one of those things that will never be fully understood until we get to heaven.
So can we offer God grace for the things He does that don't make sense and seem to betray His character? My CPE supervisor commented this week that our relationship with God tends to be so drastically different from any other relationship we have. She said she will never forget the day she realized that her earthly father couldn't protect her from everything. And she will never forget the day she realized her Heavenly Father couldn't protect her from everything either. But she knows He wants to. And He hurts just as much as she does. Why He protects some people from some things, and not others, I may never completely understand. But I am not called to understand everything completely. Faith has to play some role.
If God is truly our friend, and we treat Him that way, should we not offer to Him the same grace we expect from Him? My head may know that He is perfect and does nothing wrong. But my heart wonders sometimes.
Don't write me off as a heretic who's gone off the deep end. I'm not trying to convince you of anything. These are just my theological questionings. It's something I'm chewing on.
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