Desire

I am reading the book The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge. It is a follow-up on the book The Sacred Romance which I talked about previously. It's really speaking to something I feel Christianity, at least in my experience, has missed.

"This may come as a surprise to you: Christianity is not an invitation to become a moral person. It is not a program for getting us in line or for reforming society. It has a powerful effect upon our lives, but when transformation comes, it is always the aftereffect of something else, something at the level of our hearts. At its core, Christianity begins with an invitation to desire." (pg 35) He talks about the many miracles of Jesus and that each time he was arousing and speaking to their desires. How else could this be called good news? "Being offered tips and techniques for living a more dutiful life isn't even in the field of good news." (pg 43) If the message we are hearing doesn't sound like incredibly good news, then perhaps we're not getting the right message. The bottom line is not how to cure and manage sin. Jesus' purpose in coming was to give us abundant life (John 10:10), which doesn't sound like a life devoid of desire.

Has anyone else experienced this emphasis on the duty of Christianity? I have felt that if I could only get the doctrine and belief all correct, and do the right things, then I would be fine. I resonate with Eldredge when he says "we are told to kill desire and call it sanctification". And in doing all this, I have completely missed the real purpose. I have missed the One who created me, not for correct obedience (otherwise why give us free will?), but for a relationship. The One who gave me these desires of my heart wants to see them fulfilled (Ps 37:4). And I really am enjoying this book that talks about what the heart of Christianity really is.

The Disguise of Religion

I am reading the book The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. In the chapter I was just reading, they were talking about our our search to fill our longing for Transcendence with lovers who are less wild than God. Let's face it, as C.S. Lewis put it, God is not safe, but He is good. But sometimes this wildness and lack of control scares us and we look for other alternatives. Things we can do that give us glimpses and tastes of Transcendence, but still allow us to maintain control. One favorite seems to be religion itself. We get caught up into trying to find the right beliefs, the right practices, the right everything. Religion becomes an intellectual journey that is divorced from our heart. Because it has the disguise of religion, it appears much more acceptable. But it is just as much adultery as anything else. It is like masturbating to a picture of your wife while refusing to have sex with her. If that idea is uncomfortable and repulsive to you, it should be. That is not at all what the relationship is supposed to be like, but it is how many of us approach our relationship with God. We want the benefits (orgasm) and we want to look like we're doing it right (it's within a marriage relationship), but we are afraid of the risk involved (sex requires much more risk than masturbation).

There is a risk in having a real relationship with God. For one thing, we have to surrender control. This can be really difficult because in our really honest moments, we would admit that the way God has done things is not the way we would have done them. There are always those times when we wish God would have stepped in, but He didn't. The question of how a good God who is all-powerful could allow evil to happen to good people (and vice-versa) is a question that has plagued humanity throughout the ages. And while our heads may find a satisfactory answer and we dismiss the questioning as faithlessness, our hearts still cry from the pain. The natural human reaction of protecting ourselves from pain kicks in, and we try to take more control. We will still "give God control of our lives", but only within certain parameters. And since we can't really trust that He will come through when we want Him to, we avoid putting ourselves in those situations. We try to do the right actions and believe the right doctrine, but since our heart hesitates to trust God, we just separate it from the process. What we're left with is a form of religion that may look like what God wants (after all, we're doing the right things), but there is no life to it. The Bible is explicitly clear that our "right actions" must come from a heart of love (read the Sermon on the Mount). But our heart hesitates to trust Him because it has been burned by His wildness. So we are left to choose between a form of religion that looks good on the outside, but still allows us control so we don't get burned. Or we can surrender the control, embrace God's wildness, and trust His goodness. There's a lot of risk involved, but unless we embrace the wildness of God and relinquish our desire for control, we will never experience the full blessing of a real relationship with God.

Wild at Heart

Let me put in a big plug for the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. It is a book about men. It doesn't just tell you what a man is supposed to do, but rather what a man is. The desires in our heart were put there by God for a reason, and we need to understand them. I was given the book by my oldest brother and told that it had really impacted him and explained a lot of who he was. The first time I read it, it stirred up so much stuff in me that it could barely sink in. Since then I have tried to go through it more slowly and try to digest more of it. I have read/listened to it several times, and each time I do, it stirs something else in me. I just got the Field Manual that accompanies it, and am working through that to understand myself even more. Reading this book was actually an impetus in considering this change of career and discovering my passions. I am always amazed at how much I can learn about myself as a result of the reflection this book stimulates.

For all the guys out there, you really need to read this. It will shed so much light on the struggles and conflicts you likely are also feeling in your heart. And for the women, if you've ever wanted to understand men, this is an excellent place to start. He also has a book he wrote with his wife about women called Captivating, and it is also really great.

http://www.ransomedheart.com/
http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/0785268839/ref=pd_rvi_gw_1/002-2310866-0517614

I'm coming back!

I know, it's been a very long time since I blogged. Life has been largely consumed by boring school stuff even I wouldn't want to read about.

For the past month, I have also been doing a lot of thinking about my future and what I want to do. As I have reflected on what makes me come alive and what speaks to my heart, I have realized that counseling is really a passion for me. While I did love working as a chaplain, what I loved most was when I was able to be a "counselor" for the patient. So I have decided to drop out of my chaplaincy program and pursue counseling. There are many implications of this, especially financial, but I feel it is worth it to do that which I love. And I am at the point in my life that I can easily make this switch.

I am pretty certain that I will be attending Asbury Seminary in Orlando. I want to go to a school that provides an actual counseling degree, but has a theological background to it. Asbury is an excellent school that would provide this. All the many other draws I have to the Orlando area just make it an even better choice.

I likely won't be moving to Orlando immediately. I am going to take off Spring semester to work in Berrien Springs (my rent is much cheaper). I will probably move back towards the beginning of the summer (May-ish) and start classes either in the summer or fall. I am very excited about returning to all my friends, and am also excited about learning more about counseling. I believe it will be a much better fit for me.