It is 2:48 in the morning, and I don't want to go to bed. Because when I wake up, I have to leave to drive to Michigan. And I don't want this time to end, even though I know it has to, and I need to get a decent nights sleep. It has been a great last day, which is a welcome change from the hellish week I've had. I spent all week trying to sell stuff, with very little success. Friday was a truly horrible day of getting rid of everything, trying to figure stuff out with the larger items, and trying to clean and get out of my apartment. At 10 pm, I said, screw it, I'm done. I had everything cleaned, but couldn't get the bigger stuff out. It was worth paying an extra day of rent. By the time I unloaded the stuff I donated, ate something, and took a shower, it was midnight, and my incredibly foul mood was just starting to improve.
But today was great. We had potluck after church with lots of people, and spent awhile in the pool. I was splashing and fighting with Priscilla and Rachel, which was lots of fun. It reminded me of when I was younger and would fight with my brothers in the pool, except my brothers were much rougher (like trying to dunk me the whole time). Afterwards we went to my apartment to get the rest of the stuff out, which goes much quicker with 4 people than with 1! When we were done with that, we had a special fire in a local park.
This move has made me really sort through and cut back on everything, as I only took what would fit in my car. As I was going through stuff, I found all the old notes and other sentimental stuff I had from Leanna. Initially in the divorce, I decided not to do anything with any of the stuff, because I didn't know what I would want to do with it. But I decided I was now ready to get rid of it. I have moved on from that part of my life. While I won't forget it, I don't need to cling to it or be reminded of all the delusions and lies. So I burned it. The stuff that could not be burned, I wrapped in a bag and smashed the hell out of with the stick I had used to stoke the fire. When the stick broke for the second or third time, I just started stomping on it. A very cathartic experience, to say the least. And I just deleted the wedding video off my computer. 12 gigs in 2 seconds. It is amazing that this stuff can go so quickly. Seven years of memories burned up within a half hour (same with the final court date, oddly enough). We have ceremonies for just about every significant event in our lives (baptism, wedding, baby shower, funeral), but there is nothing for a divorce. In many ways, this was a ceremony demonstrating the finality of it all. The only thing I still have is my wedding band and claddaugh tie-tac (which was like a second wedding band to me). I haven't decided what to do with those, but I am thinking about it. The evening was even more special in that I was joined by several of my closest friends- Susan, Karen, Priscilla, Rachel, and Donna. Interestingly and appropriately enough, all females.
To top it all off, we had some food and then played Texas Hold-Em. It was a lot of fun, and seemed a great way to spend my last night down here. I will miss you all terribly. And the fact that I am still up thinking about it at 3:30 tells you how anxious I am to leave. It amazes me constantly that I have made such great friends down here. It's more than I ever would have dreamed of. I will never forget you, and I hope to come back down soon to visit. I love you all.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
A Kingdom Rebuilding
Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a wonderful city. He looked out of his palace at his city, and remarked how great it was. Industry and economy were beginning to thrive. The countryside was beginning to take shape. Tall buildings were built, and it was starting to look like a great city. Sure, there was some grumbling by the people, but the king paid no attention. After all, things were beginning to pick up and the economy was booming. The concerns should be squelched in no time. The king was beginning to enjoy the fruits of his labor.
Suddenly, the queen came before him and said she was leaving. The king was stunned, albeit not completely surprised. He knew she was unhappy, but with all of his duties and his focus on building the city, he didn’t know what to do about it. He had dismissed her complaints too, assuming they would also be assuaged when things began to take shape and flourish. The king ran after her, begging her to stay, but to no avail. As she approached the door, a bomb exploded, blowing the door wide open. She walked out, taking from the kingdom as she left.
For a long time, the king sat in stunned disbelief. He returned to his room, not believing what had happened. He would not admit that his perfect city was damaged. But the problem continued. For you see, the explosion from the door did not stop there. While the king’s palace was made of stone and did not burn, the rest of the city was not so fortunate. There were dilapidated houses which immediately caught fire. There was new construction that stood no chance. Soon it became evident that the entire city was in peril. Paralyzed with fear, the king didn’t know what to do. His usual resources now seemed woefully inadequate.
He thought about the nearby cities. He could call for help. But what would they think of him as a king? Shouldn’t he be able to protect his own city? How would this affect his relationships with the other leaders? He didn’t know them well, and rarely talked with them. But he knew he needed help. He had heard that one of the nearby cities had a fire several years before. Surely they would understand. He went to the queen of the city and told her of the disaster. The queen dispatched her own people to help the city. The king began asking other neighboring cities for help. Slowly at first, but as the responses soared, the king began to get revitalized. More and more cities came to help and before long, the fires were put out. The king returned to his palace and threw himself on his bed. He was relieved that it was over. He breathed a sigh of relief.
He began to think about the city, and went out to survey it. What he saw amazed him. The king was no longer looking through his rose colored windows at the city. He now saw for himself what his city was like. His great tall buildings were now a pile of rubbish and a big hole in the ground. He discovered that in the haste of his construction, shortcuts had been made. Beautiful facades had covered up inadequate materials and poor craftsmanship. But now the facade was gone, and the truth was laid bare. Foundations were poor and sometimes non-existent. The king soon realized that it was far from over. It was now time to rebuild. And the rebuilding would take much longer. He was going to do it right this time. He didn’t want to loose his entire city again.
Many of the nearby cities who had helped put out the flames, now helped with the rebuilding. The king also found a nearby country full of cities who were ready and willing to help. They brought him supplies and support. They shared ideas and formed a community.
The king could hardly believe it. In his wildest dreams, he never could have imagined a city like this. Buildings strong and firm. People content and happy. He discovered people living in his city that he never even knew existed, even though they had been there all along. And the relationship with the other cities continued. They would visit each other frequently. And the king even helped some of the other cities with their own problems. His was no longer an isolated city, independent and sufficient to itself. It was now part of a community.
Suddenly, the queen came before him and said she was leaving. The king was stunned, albeit not completely surprised. He knew she was unhappy, but with all of his duties and his focus on building the city, he didn’t know what to do about it. He had dismissed her complaints too, assuming they would also be assuaged when things began to take shape and flourish. The king ran after her, begging her to stay, but to no avail. As she approached the door, a bomb exploded, blowing the door wide open. She walked out, taking from the kingdom as she left.
For a long time, the king sat in stunned disbelief. He returned to his room, not believing what had happened. He would not admit that his perfect city was damaged. But the problem continued. For you see, the explosion from the door did not stop there. While the king’s palace was made of stone and did not burn, the rest of the city was not so fortunate. There were dilapidated houses which immediately caught fire. There was new construction that stood no chance. Soon it became evident that the entire city was in peril. Paralyzed with fear, the king didn’t know what to do. His usual resources now seemed woefully inadequate.
He thought about the nearby cities. He could call for help. But what would they think of him as a king? Shouldn’t he be able to protect his own city? How would this affect his relationships with the other leaders? He didn’t know them well, and rarely talked with them. But he knew he needed help. He had heard that one of the nearby cities had a fire several years before. Surely they would understand. He went to the queen of the city and told her of the disaster. The queen dispatched her own people to help the city. The king began asking other neighboring cities for help. Slowly at first, but as the responses soared, the king began to get revitalized. More and more cities came to help and before long, the fires were put out. The king returned to his palace and threw himself on his bed. He was relieved that it was over. He breathed a sigh of relief.
He began to think about the city, and went out to survey it. What he saw amazed him. The king was no longer looking through his rose colored windows at the city. He now saw for himself what his city was like. His great tall buildings were now a pile of rubbish and a big hole in the ground. He discovered that in the haste of his construction, shortcuts had been made. Beautiful facades had covered up inadequate materials and poor craftsmanship. But now the facade was gone, and the truth was laid bare. Foundations were poor and sometimes non-existent. The king soon realized that it was far from over. It was now time to rebuild. And the rebuilding would take much longer. He was going to do it right this time. He didn’t want to loose his entire city again.
Many of the nearby cities who had helped put out the flames, now helped with the rebuilding. The king also found a nearby country full of cities who were ready and willing to help. They brought him supplies and support. They shared ideas and formed a community.
The king could hardly believe it. In his wildest dreams, he never could have imagined a city like this. Buildings strong and firm. People content and happy. He discovered people living in his city that he never even knew existed, even though they had been there all along. And the relationship with the other cities continued. They would visit each other frequently. And the king even helped some of the other cities with their own problems. His was no longer an isolated city, independent and sufficient to itself. It was now part of a community.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Emotional Vicodin
I had two of my wisdom teeth removed almost two weeks ago. The pain wasn’t as bad as a lot of the stories I had heard, but it was still painful. I iced it a lot, and took Vicodin every 4 hours, and that helped keep it bearable. I have also had a lot of emotional and mental pain in the last few weeks. Last night, the question came to me, "Is there an emotional Vicodin? Something that doesn't remove the pain, but dulls it to a bearable level?" I continued to chew on that for a little while. There is so much that we can do to ease physical pain, it seems there would have to be something for emotional pain.
For me, it would be friends. When I am slammed with emotional pain and trauma, I turn to my close friends. Whether we talk about the problem, talk about nothing, or just sit and watch a movie, it's comforting to simply know that I'm not alone. To know that there are people who care about me, and who are willing to do anything to help me, does a lot to dull the pain. The problem is still there, there is still pain, but it is bearable. It's manageable.
I have often reflected on the story of Sam and Frodo from The Lord of the Rings. Sam couldn't bear the burden of the ring, but he could support and encourage Frodo. And Frodo wouldn't have made it alone.
To all my friends out there, thank you. The talks, the meals, the movies, the games, they have meant a lot. I wouldn't be where I am today without your support. So thank you.
For me, it would be friends. When I am slammed with emotional pain and trauma, I turn to my close friends. Whether we talk about the problem, talk about nothing, or just sit and watch a movie, it's comforting to simply know that I'm not alone. To know that there are people who care about me, and who are willing to do anything to help me, does a lot to dull the pain. The problem is still there, there is still pain, but it is bearable. It's manageable.
I have often reflected on the story of Sam and Frodo from The Lord of the Rings. Sam couldn't bear the burden of the ring, but he could support and encourage Frodo. And Frodo wouldn't have made it alone.
To all my friends out there, thank you. The talks, the meals, the movies, the games, they have meant a lot. I wouldn't be where I am today without your support. So thank you.
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