Let it snow

Winter is finally here. After a very mild winter we have been slammed with at least two feet of snow since Saturday night. This is a picture taken on Sunday (I'm the black blob). We got even more last night, which resulted in a snow day for everyone, although Andrews didn't close until 8:45. Since I start work at 8, and don't get paid days off, I worked all day. It's a pain to shovel so much and driving isn't the easiest, but it is fun to play in!

Knowing someone

I have to post this dialogue from the The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. It's an exchange between a fiancee and her betrothed. Does this sound like a relationship you would like to have? Does it remind you of your relationship with God? What does knowing God mean to you?

She: I'm so looking forward to our wedding day. I do love you so much. I really wish I could see more of you. There's so much about you I want to know better.

He: Yes, dear, I know. I'm going to send you a book that describes more about my life. I'm sure you'll get a lot out of it.

She: I'll be glad to read it. But I just want to hold your hand. [She continues somewhat mischievously.] I just want to kiss you.

He: I'm sure you do, beloved. Let me send you a tape describing the role of physical affection at different stages of courtship. You'll find it worthwhile, I'm sure.

She: (Somewhat disappointed) That's wonderful, darling. It's just that I so look forward to our wedding day. I want to be with you so badly. I think of us being, you know, "together" day and night.

He: Yes, intimacy is important. I'd like to send you to a weekend seminar that really should be quite helpful.

The Hard-ass Savior

I think the common portrayal of who Jesus was is very skewed. This is easily seen in the lives of those who claim to follow Him, and in the way we speak of the "Christian" thing to do. The "Christian" thing to do has become synonymous with what is considered nice and is the opposite of what may be considered "mean". There are far too many Christians that I know (myself included at times) who are not willing to stand up to anyone or say anything that may seem harsh or mean. There is the idea that Christianity is only about being meek (more often demonstrated as weak), tender, and always turning the other cheek. But that's not the whole picture of who Jesus was. Jesus was not afraid to pick a fight and speak His mind. By today's standards, you could say that Jesus was a hard-ass. He didn't just let people get away with whatever because His grace was sufficient. He didn't let them walk all over Him. Over and over in the gospels, we see Jesus picking fights, especially with the Sabbath. He very easily could have done all His healing on the other six days. After all, you don't want to "rock the boat".

But look what he does in Luke 14. He goes to eat at a prominent Pharisees' house, He specifically asks if it is lawful to heal on the Sabbath, heals a man (and then just sends him away, so it seems the healing wasn't His primary focus), and then exposes and bashes the Pharisees (and remember He's their guest at this moment) for their hypocrisy. If that's not picking a fight, I don't know what is. And look at the cleansing of the temple. It may have been righteous zeal that Jesus had, but it was real fear the people had. It seems that Jesus knew how to make and use a whip, and the people were truly afraid of Him. A model diplomat He was not.

Jesus was not afraid to tell the truth. Read Matthew 23 and look at all the things He said about the Pharisees. And don't picture this as a pastor preaching a "fire and brimstone" sermon to his congregation or someone attacking George W., who everyone yells about. Picture a famous televangelist personally attacking Billy Graham. Blind guides, whitewashed tombs, full of maggots, show-offs, fakes, murderers, and many others. "You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?" (v. 33). When was the last time you heard a Christian talk like that, and then not apologize afterwards for "losing His temper". But Jesus offered no apology for His scathing words. But He did offer tears. Right after He finished cutting them down to size, He wept over their stubbornness (v. 37). He didn't say these condemnations just to tell them off. There can be great redemptive value in speaking honestly and bluntly, when it is done in the right way. Notice Jesus didn't say this stuff at the beginning of His ministry, but after He had spent time with them.

There is a place for tact, and there is a time to hold your tongue. And it is true that we must "speak the truth in love". But included in that statement is speaking the truth. And not a truth that is so diluted with niceties as to have no effect. Jesus was not afraid of making enemies. As Philip Yancey put it, "How would telling people to be nice to one another get a man crucified? What government would execute Mr. Rogers or Captain Kangaroo?" John Eldredge also talks about this in Wild at Heart where he says Jesus is more like William Wallace from Braveheart than He is like Mr. Rogers.

Let's face it, the Christianity we see portrayed today is far too weak and passive. But that was not how Jesus was. Look at the confidence and strength He showed when arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane. And He blasted the priests for their cowardice in coming to Him at night. Which of those two groups are we more like? The more Christian thing to do is actually to have a backbone and not be afraid to tell things like they are. And if you make enemies and get killed, you may well find yourself in good company.

Pain is not the enemy

I was going through all my old blogs today as I put labels on them (a new feature of blogger). Several times I have made the comment "I would never wish this experience on anyone. But I would never go back to who I was before." This comment is actually a rephrasing of a statement my brother Adam has made continually. He says about his divorce, "I would never wish this experience on anyone, but I wouldn't trade it for the world." The reason I have hesitated to say the second part is that I felt if I could have gotten this learning and growth without having to experience so much pain, I would have preferred that. I knew that such a possibility is not likely or possible, but if it could have happened, I would have preferred that (like taking a pill).

But as I thought about this, and as I was reading through some of my other blogs, I realized that such thinking is still putting pain as the enemy. And one thing I have learned is that pain is not the enemy. There is value in pain. And it's not just the growth that it produces. One purpose of pain (physical or emotional) is to alert us to a problem. It tells us when something is wrong. If we didn't feel pain when a knife cut the skin, we may not stop before the knife cut through tendons, muscle, arteries, etc. It is a way to stop further damage. The pain I experienced in my divorce was indicating a very big problem. If I had listened to it earlier, it may not have gotten so bad. But it was only because I had the realization of how bad and messed up I really was that I was able to grow as much as I have.

The pain has also taught me that I can make it through the tough times. Life will always have pain, both small and great. And now I know that I can make it through. I don't have to panic and try to bail out when things are very difficult and depressing and I can't see the end. I know that I can keep trudging through the muck, and that I will eventually make it. And I have learned the value of that process itself, not just the value of the destination. There are precious gems of learning that I could only learn by walking through the valley, even when I felt waist deep in sludge.

You can tell when someone has gone through deep pain. There is a change in them for the rest of their life. Something that distinguishes them from those who have not experienced deep pain. Sometimes it comes through in their outlook on life, sometimes in their patience, or in any number of other areas. One place I really notice it is in how they respond to and act around those who are currently experiencing deep pain. Those who haven't experienced deep pain will often offer band-aids of platitudes and try and make things look better. They are very uncomfortable around such raw deep pain because they have never experienced it before themselves. And they may not know if the person can make it through. But because I have experienced deep pain, I know that it takes time. I don't have to rush the ending. I don't have to try and make them feel better (which is usually just trying to make us feel better about them). I can patiently walk with them because I know that they will make it through, even if the end can't be seen. And it isn't a contest of who has had deeper pain. That doesn't matter. Each pain is different and painful in its own way, and a comparison is really not possible. But there is a difference with those who have gone through deep pain.

So I really wouldn't trade my divorce for anything. Not just the end result (the growth), but the entire process itself. The gut-wrenching brokenness and pain. The disillusionment, the struggles, the stress, the frustration. I wouldn't trade it. This pain is not an enemy to fight and conquer. It's a part of who I am.

The truth

I just finished watching Good Night and Good Luck, which is an excellent movie. On the companion piece on the DVD is a quote by Edward R. Murrow that I loved. In the spirit of this quote, I will refrain from embellishing with my own thoughts, and just let it stand on it's own.

"Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit."