A Long Distance Relationship with God

For the past 218 days, I have been in a long distance relationship with Susan. Of that time we have only spent 35 days in the same space. This makes for a very different and often very frustrating relationship. And while it has not been easy I have never once questioned if it was worth it. Susan is far too wonderful of a woman. Any type of relationship with her is better than no relationship with her. But now that our time apart is drawing to a close (11 more days!!!) and the anticipation of being together builds, I have begun to reflect on the similarities with my relationship with God, who I’m also in a long distance relationship with. I figured I’d share my reflections.

1. There are many advantages to a long distance relationship. Susan and I have established an incredibly strong foundation of communication. The vast majority of the time, the only way we can spend time together is to communicate, whether through IM, email, cards, phone, or any other way we can think of. As a result, we have gotten to know each other much faster and deeper than we would have otherwise. As our friend Sara bluntly put it, “You get to learn everything about each other, not just what the other person’s mouth tastes like.” It also allowed us to build a strong foundation of openness with each other. We have proven that we can talk to each other about anything. These skills and habits are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship. While it’s been very hard to be apart for so long, I think that it has been the best way to form a strong foundation and start off a relationship.

There is no question that God orchestrated the timing of things so that Susan and I started dating after I was in Michigan. He saw the need and value of the long distance relationship. I’m sure there’s also a reason for us to develop a long distance relationship with Him. God is an inherently relational person. As such, He craves time in open communication with us. A long distance relationship is an excellent way to develop this communication. It can also form the basis of a very strong relationship, just like it has for Susan and I.

2. With long distance relationships, you can either try to milk it along and endure it until the time apart is over, or you can dive right in and put forth the time and effort needed to build the relationship and make the most of the time together. If you try to just milk it along, it won’t last. Any relationship, especially a long distance one, requires a lot of time and effort. You can’t just sit and watch TV together or be with each other while working on separate things. It requires intentional focused time together on a regular basis. It is very tempting to try to multi-task and do other things while talking on the phone, and there are times that I do. But there always comes a point where I have to stop the other stuff and concentrate on her. I must confess that I have not been as good with giving this same intentional, focused, regular time to God. And I feel the difference in our relationship. When things pile up and time runs short, my priorities become evident. What I commit my time to reflects what I commit my heart to. The reality is not always what I would like it to be, but it is always the truth.

3. Time together should be precious. I look forward every night to talking with Susan. There are days that I am tired and drained and her loving words fill me right up. There are times when I am struggling with something and need a compassionate ear to listen to me. There are times when I am just really missing her and can’t wait to hear her voice. My time with God can be the same thing. There are times I look forward to it as a quiet haven from the chaos of my day. There are times when I just bask in His love and let it fill me. There are times when I have deep conversations with him. But I also have noticed that these times with God lose this special quality when I slack off on my time with Him. When the relationship begins to wane, that precious intimacy disappears.

4. Even though my time with Susan is precious, there is also flexibility to it. We both understand that life does not stop at 10:00. There are days when one or both of us are busy with other things or other people and we may not talk until 11:00. Some days we are more tired and won’t talk as long. But whatever is happening or as short as our time together may be, we have always managed to talk. Whether it’s 30 minutes or 3 hours. If our time together has been short the last few days, we may call earlier so we can spend more time together. It’s the same with God. Of course there are days when crises pop up and we can’t spend the time with Him that we would like. But the important thing is that we at least spend some time together every day and the short times together do not become all the time.

One advantage I have with my relationship with God is that I can talk to Him anytime. I don’t have to worry about keeping Him up at night. I don’t have to worry about Him being busy at work or in a meeting. It is truly awesome to realize that I can talk to God absolutely anytime I want. He’s always available and never distracted. And on top of that, He knows what’s going on. I don’t have to try and explain the situation or the whole story. That can be helpful for me in processing things, but is not necessary for God to understand.

5. The cards, emails, letters, etc. that Susan and I have sent to each other are a very special part of our relationship. We both treasure them and read them over and over. And while they give a special insight into who she is, her letters to me could never replace actually talking with her. It is the same with God. His letter to us (the Bible) is a very valuable and precious part of our relationship. But it is not a substitute for prayer and communicating with God. I believe prayer should be a two-way street where there is communication going on both directions, even if what God is “saying” isn’t audible or even in words. That makes it more difficult, but certainly not less important. I can’t just read a few cards that Susan has sent me and say that I have talked with her for the evening so I can now go to bed. Talking with her is not a chore to accomplish, it’s something that I look forward to and would not trade for anything. I need both the letters and the talking. I treasure both for different reasons. But the only way to really get to know Susan is to spend time talking with her, not just reading about her.

6. Everyday I tell Susan that I love her. Not because she’s forgotten or even because I think she may be doubting it. I tell her that I love her because I can’t keep from saying it, and because I love hearing her heart melt when I tell her. This has gotten me thinking about when I talk to God. How often do I tell Him how much I love Him? Would He not love to hear it just as much as I love to hear it? There are many times when I quiet down and try to listen to what God is saying to me that what I hear is Him telling me that He loves me. It is something that I can’t hear enough and fills my heart every night.

7. The distance is not forever. When Susan and I began this relationship, we knew the distance would not be forever. Even though we originally thought it would be longer (originally it was 2.5 to 3 years), there was always the hope that we would eventually be together again. It wouldn’t be much of a relationship if we were perfectly happy being apart and had no burning desire to be together. As I read The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge, I couldn’t help but notice this similarity. He talks a lot about how Christians should live in anticipation and longing for heaven. We were not designed to be apart from God. The world we live in is not our home. We should greatly desire heaven. And not just this clicheish picture that lacks any real indication of what heaven will be like and what we will do. I’m talking about passion and desire. The way I long to be in Florida and to be together with Susan. And the closer it comes, the more and more that I crave it. I can be happy and content in Michigan, but that does not eliminate my passion and desire to be with her.

8. The times that I have been with Susan are invaluable. While the flights have not been cheap (although I have always gotten good deals), they are so worth it. In fact, I would usually pay more money to fly back later in the day so that I had as much time as possible with her. These times together have really kept our relationship going. The longest we have ever been apart is seven weeks. After four or five weeks, I was really going nuts and wanted so badly to see her. Just to look at her face and touch her. And the longer we have been dating, the harder the times apart get. I don’t know how well I could handle seven weeks apart again. Fortunately that’s not an issue anymore.

This is one area in which the similarity with God begins to break down. I cannot be with God the same way I can be with Susan. I may not even physically see Him during my lifetime. But there are times when we can get a taste of heaven. There are times when we feel closer to God and feel that He is here with us. When I was at the Hospital Church Retreat and we were singing at church, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being home. I knew that this church was my home and I was so excited that I am coming back home soon. I wasn’t home yet, but I had gotten a taste of it. And it made me think about heaven. There are times when we get a taste of what home will really be like. And while we may not be there yet, we can savor the times when we get a taste and feel the longing to be home. And while I am really looking forward to being back in Florida, that moment won’t even compare to what it will be like when we all get to our real home and can finally see the greatest lover our souls have ever known and look Him in the face.