Retreat, Reconnection

This weekend, I spent 24 hours in a silent, personal retreat with God. It was partly for a class, but also something I have been wanting to do for awhile. I went to a retreat center near Berrien where I could be alone with God in nature. It was an incredible experience and I am just now beginning to understand all that happened. A lot of what was communicated went straight from God to my heart, and it hasn't all registered in my head yet.

It provided me the opportunity to sort through some questions I had been wrestling with. Questions at the core of my relationship with God and my understanding of Him. I had no set agenda or plan, but it seems God did. He first made me confront the issues that have been tripping me up and getting in the way of my understanding of Him. Then He led me as I tried to understand what God's love is, and consequently who God is. It was only after realizing these things that I could address the direction He has for my life, which had begun to nag at me. But above all else, it gave me a chance to reconnect. 24 hours of just me and God. No cell phone and no internet (gasp!). I really feel much more connected to Him, and it's a connection I've been needing.

I would encourage any of you that are struggling with something, or simply sensing a disconnectedness from God to do the same. Isolate yourself with Him. Spend intentional quality time with Him. And at least for me, nature is always a great place for this. The spot in the picture is where I did a lot of praying. For all my complaining about Berrien Springs, the colors of the leaves changing is beautiful.

Love of God

I am in my Spiritual Formation class right now, and we were just talking about God’s love. We looked at Ephesians 3:14-19 which talks about knowing the love of Christ which “surpasses knowledge”. It’s a love that goes beyond head knowledge into actually experiencing it. I had never put together that passage with verse 20, which is one of my favorites. “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.” The incredible plans that God has for us is one of the ways that I experience His love. As I look at my life, I begin to see the incredible things God has planned for me. They are so far beyond my wildest dreams, and I know I’m just seeing the surface. I can’t help but to stand back in awe and amazement. Only a God who really loves me could do things so wonderful.

Dating

I wanted to inform you all that Susan Ragsdale and I are now dating. She has been one of my closest friends while I was in Orlando. We've been talking quite a bit since I moved, and I asked her out yesterday. So my trips back to Orlando may be a little more frequent now. :)

Crazy

I just finished watching the movie A Beautiful Mind for probably the third time. It is such an incredible movie. The first time I watched it I was struck by the vivid way it portrays Schizophrenia and the way it makes you understand a little of what it must be like. But over and over again I am impressed by the love story. Seeing the difference and triumph that can be made by the dedication of a loving spouse. Maybe it's just the sentimental romantic in me, but that story always inspires and challenges me. It gives new meaning to the phrase "for better or for worse". And it's an unequivocal example of the impact of that kind of love.

There was someone else kind of watching the movie with me, and he couldn't understand it. After we explained it, he just kept saying, "he's crazy, he's crazy." He couldn't understand how someone who was "crazy" could make such an impact.

But I think the reality is that we are all crazy. Some are more so than others, obviously. But the reality is that we have parts of us that are a little neurotic and irrational. Because of past experiences, or whatever reason, we do things that do not make sense and are not logical. The real challenge is to acknowledge our craziness and deal with it as best we can. I love the parts in this movie where John can joke and mess with people about his illness. That shows strength of character and self-acceptance. And while he does everything he can to treat it, the problem does not go away. But he is able to deal with it, and continue to live his life in a meaningful way. I'm not saying we're all schizophrenic, nor am I trying to diminish the seriousness of that illness. I'm saying we may be a little more like John Nash than we want to admit. But it was only after accepting and acknowledging his problems (and through the love and support of his wonderful wife) that he was able to take control of his life and regain a sense of meaning and purpose. And it's a challenge to me to accept my own craziness and deal with it as best as possible.

Update

I have been in Michigan for about a week now. The drive up was uneventful and quicker than expected (18 hours). I have spent most of the week trying to get set up, and trying to remember the Greek I learned in my undergrad. The entrance exam for Greek is on Wednesday, so I have gone to the review session last week and will continue on Monday and Tuesday. It’s coming back pretty well, and I am hopeful that I will get a good enough score to not have to take any more Greek. But I do have more studying to do, and have been trying to work on that. I also have an entrance exam on Bible knowledge on Friday, but I don’t think there is much I can do to study for that. I will begin working at my old job at Lithotech (the copying facility at Andrews) tomorrow. Classes begin on the 28^th.

I am enjoying the cooler temperatures here. It’s usually around mid to high 70s, and I still consider that warm. I enjoyed a nice bonfire last night at my parents house. But I still miss Florida very much. Mostly all my friends. I have a few family and friends at school, but not many. And I am a vastly different person now than I was a year ago. I miss having a group where I feel connected and wanted. As I sat in a plain, boring Sabbath school yesterday, I couldn’t help but wish I was back in Something More. When you’ve had real authentic Mexican food, Taco Bell just doesn’t taste the same. That sounds harsh, but it’s true. The mass-produced, script-read Sabbath School just doesn’t hold the same appeal (not that it ever really appealed to me to begin with). I know that it could be so much better. Hopefully I will find a decent church up here that does speak to me. I hope things will improve, and that I will make more friends and find a decent church. But right now, I miss all my friends in Orlando.