I know, two posts in one day, after such sporadic blogging for so long. But sometimes multiple things hit me at once. Such was the case in church today. I decided to forgo the millions of church options around Berrien Springs and watch the Florida Hospital Church live via streaming video on their website. I love Pastor Andy's sermons, and often they really hit me. That was the case today when the message was exactly what I needed to hear.
Yesterday I had another freak-out over money. The financial ramifications of dropping out of my chaplaincy program are HUGE, and money is now going to be much more tight. I am usually able to trust that everything will work out, but sometimes (like yesterday) when I am trying to figure out the bills and plan the month, I really freak out. I can't see how it will work out, and evil insurance companies can really exacerbate the problem. I don't regret my decision to pursue counseling, but I was still beginning to panic.
In church today, the discussion was on Mary and the trust and bravery she demonstrated by accepting God's plan for her to bear Jesus. Andy mentioned several other examples from the Bible when God's plan seemed impossible. The example of Gideon (Judges 7) really struck me. God had called him to deliver Israel from Midian. After a lot of discussion and the signs of the fleece, Gideon was finally willing to follow God's plan. But then God threw another wrench into the plan. He told Gideon that the Israelite army was too many, and if they did defeat the Midianites, they would think it was because of their own strength. So God wanted to reduce Gideon's army. He took them from 32,000 down to 300, less than 1% of their original size! 300 men against an army of about 135,000 (450 times the size of Gideon's 300 men). This certainly seemed like an impossible plan, but that's how God wanted it. He purposely made His plan look impossible. If it did make sense, and Gideon could see how it would all work out, the people wouldn't put their trust in God or give Him the credit. God didn't command that Gideon not be scared, He was OK with him being scared (7:10). Faith does not mean the absence of fear. Gideon just had to follow God's plan, even though he was scared and it didn't make any sense at all.
I guess if my plans "fall through" and things look absolutely impossible, that may be exactly how God wants them. Today's sermon, and this story, were telling me to trust and follow God's plan, even though I am scared and it doesn't make sense. My job is not to figure out the how. My task is to follow what God tells me. I don't ignore the details and act recklessly. But I don't let the insurmountable difficulties make me give up on God.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Playing the piano
Many people have been very surprised when they heard that I was dropping out of my chaplaincy program, partly because of the love and enthusiasm I demonstrated toward it. An illustration came to me today that really demonstrates why I have decided to make this change.
While I was growing up, I took piano lessons for about 6 years. The interesting thing about that is that we didn't have a piano, we had an organ. So all my practicing, for 6 years, I did on an organ. It worked pretty well, except for occasionally not having all the notes available. When I went to academy (high school for any non-Adventists), I had the opportunity to play on an actual piano all the time (although I wasn't taking lessons anymore). I very quickly discovered how much emotion and feeling you can put into a piece simply by varying the volume. On an organ, the volume is controlled not by how hard you press the key, but by a foot pedal. This discovery made a HUGE difference in my piano playing. I was able to put a lot more expression and emotion into my playing. I have also since discovered (by listening to masters of organ playing) the differences and strengths that an organ has over a piano. They are similar instruments, but each has its own strengths and areas of use.
I realized that I was again trying to play the piano on an organ. I was trying to do counseling as a chaplain. The two fields are similar, but they each have their own strengths and purposes. It's not that I was not able to be happy or make a difference, but I was not accomplishing the intended purpose of that field. The music I played on the organ was beautiful and enjoyable, but it was not as beautiful or enjoyable as it could have been if I was playing it on a piano with all of its strengths or if I had been playing it on an organ utilizing all the differences and strengths that an organ offers. In the same way, I should choose a career in which I am able to utilize all of the abilities and opportunities it affords, not just the one that is the most convenient.
I don't regret taking piano lessons on an organ (just like I don't regret my time as a chaplain). I know my family couldn't afford a piano, and the organ was a family heirloom that was given to us. I am grateful for the experience, even if it wasn't ideal. And even if I don't play the piano very often anymore, I am grateful for the skills I learned and the opportunity for expression that it was for me. Maybe when I'm all done with schooling I will have time to play again. But in regards to my career, I'm going to stick with the field that allows me to fully utilize my gifts and passions.
While I was growing up, I took piano lessons for about 6 years. The interesting thing about that is that we didn't have a piano, we had an organ. So all my practicing, for 6 years, I did on an organ. It worked pretty well, except for occasionally not having all the notes available. When I went to academy (high school for any non-Adventists), I had the opportunity to play on an actual piano all the time (although I wasn't taking lessons anymore). I very quickly discovered how much emotion and feeling you can put into a piece simply by varying the volume. On an organ, the volume is controlled not by how hard you press the key, but by a foot pedal. This discovery made a HUGE difference in my piano playing. I was able to put a lot more expression and emotion into my playing. I have also since discovered (by listening to masters of organ playing) the differences and strengths that an organ has over a piano. They are similar instruments, but each has its own strengths and areas of use.
I realized that I was again trying to play the piano on an organ. I was trying to do counseling as a chaplain. The two fields are similar, but they each have their own strengths and purposes. It's not that I was not able to be happy or make a difference, but I was not accomplishing the intended purpose of that field. The music I played on the organ was beautiful and enjoyable, but it was not as beautiful or enjoyable as it could have been if I was playing it on a piano with all of its strengths or if I had been playing it on an organ utilizing all the differences and strengths that an organ offers. In the same way, I should choose a career in which I am able to utilize all of the abilities and opportunities it affords, not just the one that is the most convenient.
I don't regret taking piano lessons on an organ (just like I don't regret my time as a chaplain). I know my family couldn't afford a piano, and the organ was a family heirloom that was given to us. I am grateful for the experience, even if it wasn't ideal. And even if I don't play the piano very often anymore, I am grateful for the skills I learned and the opportunity for expression that it was for me. Maybe when I'm all done with schooling I will have time to play again. But in regards to my career, I'm going to stick with the field that allows me to fully utilize my gifts and passions.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
An Adventist Thanksgiving blessing
I know it's a little late, but I didn't have much internet access over Thanksgiving. Even though many of you reading this are not vegetarians (myself included), I thought this was pretty funny. I don't mind the fake turkey stuff, but it does not compare with the real thing. Mmmmmm, turkey.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Wild at Heart
Let me put in a big plug for the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. It is a book about men. It doesn't just tell you what a man is supposed to do, but rather what a man is. The desires in our heart were put there by God for a reason, and we need to understand them. I was given the book by my oldest brother and told that it had really impacted him and explained a lot of who he was. The first time I read it, it stirred up so much stuff in me that it could barely sink in. Since then I have tried to go through it more slowly and try to digest more of it. I have read/listened to it several times, and each time I do, it stirs something else in me. I just got the Field Manual that accompanies it, and am working through that to understand myself even more. Reading this book was actually an impetus in considering this change of career and discovering my passions. I am always amazed at how much I can learn about myself as a result of the reflection this book stimulates.
For all the guys out there, you really need to read this. It will shed so much light on the struggles and conflicts you likely are also feeling in your heart. And for the women, if you've ever wanted to understand men, this is an excellent place to start. He also has a book he wrote with his wife about women called Captivating, and it is also really great.
http://www.ransomedheart.com/
http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/0785268839/ref=pd_rvi_gw_1/002-2310866-0517614
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I'm coming back!
I know, it's been a very long time since I blogged. Life has been largely consumed by boring school stuff even I wouldn't want to read about.
For the past month, I have also been doing a lot of thinking about my future and what I want to do. As I have reflected on what makes me come alive and what speaks to my heart, I have realized that counseling is really a passion for me. While I did love working as a chaplain, what I loved most was when I was able to be a "counselor" for the patient. So I have decided to drop out of my chaplaincy program and pursue counseling. There are many implications of this, especially financial, but I feel it is worth it to do that which I love. And I am at the point in my life that I can easily make this switch.
I am pretty certain that I will be attending Asbury Seminary in Orlando. I want to go to a school that provides an actual counseling degree, but has a theological background to it. Asbury is an excellent school that would provide this. All the many other draws I have to the Orlando area just make it an even better choice.
I likely won't be moving to Orlando immediately. I am going to take off Spring semester to work in Berrien Springs (my rent is much cheaper). I will probably move back towards the beginning of the summer (May-ish) and start classes either in the summer or fall. I am very excited about returning to all my friends, and am also excited about learning more about counseling. I believe it will be a much better fit for me.
For the past month, I have also been doing a lot of thinking about my future and what I want to do. As I have reflected on what makes me come alive and what speaks to my heart, I have realized that counseling is really a passion for me. While I did love working as a chaplain, what I loved most was when I was able to be a "counselor" for the patient. So I have decided to drop out of my chaplaincy program and pursue counseling. There are many implications of this, especially financial, but I feel it is worth it to do that which I love. And I am at the point in my life that I can easily make this switch.
I am pretty certain that I will be attending Asbury Seminary in Orlando. I want to go to a school that provides an actual counseling degree, but has a theological background to it. Asbury is an excellent school that would provide this. All the many other draws I have to the Orlando area just make it an even better choice.
I likely won't be moving to Orlando immediately. I am going to take off Spring semester to work in Berrien Springs (my rent is much cheaper). I will probably move back towards the beginning of the summer (May-ish) and start classes either in the summer or fall. I am very excited about returning to all my friends, and am also excited about learning more about counseling. I believe it will be a much better fit for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
